Intensive Marriage Counseling
When do you know you and your spouse need intensive marriage counseling? There are opposite spectrums of this, and we will talk about two of them today. Some couples don’t fight. They don’t argue intensely and don’t appear to have any problems.
They’re the couple that goes to a dinner with another couple that argues and jabs throughout the entire evening. The non-arguing couple views this and while at dinner, they act like they are better off, maritally speaking, than the other couple.
When they go home, one person is intrigued that the other couple argues and have some passion for their marriage. The other spouse may think, they are glad they aren’t arguing like that in public.
How will intensive counseling help you?
The couple that doesn’t argue is indifferent to their marriage. Their marriage is on the bubble just like the argumentative and fighting couple. They are just on two separate ends of the intensive marriage counseling spectrum.
We’ll handle the angry fighting style first. If your marriage is on the argue, fight, kick, scratch, jab, insult, and just plain abusive side of things; intensive marriage counseling probably will help. This is how to best utilize an intensive marriage counselor and counseling session.
First, really try to involve and commit your spouse and yourself to going fully into the counsel. Often, one spouse is dragging the other to the show. This adds another load of frustrations onto the dragger.
Intensive Marriage Counseling Sessions!
If the other spouse, often the angrier spouse, is not with committing or even dealing with counseling, then you’d have to start on your own. When individual counseling improves things for you, such as you’re fighting less, and not getting involved in the insult jab, that may pique their curiosity.
Later, if they decide to join you in intensive marriage counseling sessions, you may need to get a different counselor so they do not feel the counselor is biased against them because you’ve been seeing that counselor.
The part that separates marriage counseling from intensive marriage counseling is that to get intensive, it usually will be longer sessions, even retreat like sessions. They will really tap into the deep emotions of the marriage or the lack thereof.
The other foot…
The other spectrum of the need for intensive help is for a marriage where there is indifference. The couple doesn’t speak much, they are very fake with each other, “How are you dear,” “I’m good, how was your day?,” “Very good um hmmm!”
They have a little cordial time, then they grab their coffees and head in opposite directions; one to the phone, the other to the TV or a book, or some other independent activity (apart from their spouse).
Even when they encounter something that makes them upset, they ignore it. If they address an issue, they’ll have a fake smile on the face and say, “Dear, I thought I asked you not put coasters on my desk.?” “Oh I’m sorry dear, I’m so sorry, I totally forgot!” “It’s okay, no worries!” They are then off to their corners.
Signs of Intensive all over it
This isn’t a marriage, even if they say like the fighting couple, “it works for us, we love each other and that’s all that matters.” If they are both okay with it, that could be different. If one person is okay with it then the marriage needs help.
The indifferent couple may not believe intense marriage counseling is necessary or for them. It can be, especially if one person is on the verge of quitting. Either way, when the word intense shows up, this means the counseling is of extreme nature.
The session isn’t going to touch their situation and marriage, it’s going to slap things around at a deeper emotional level. This level may ride uncomfortable in the beginning but will have long-lasting effects on success.
Is intensive counseling for your marriage? Only you and your spouse can tell. If you aren’t sure, speak to a counselor and answer some entry questions and they will be able to tell if you’re in need.
Thank you for joining us today. It’s always a pleasure to have you. MarriageandCounseling.com is a resource for helping relationships and marriages mend, if necessary, and thrive.
Learn how you can get your marriage to the exact predictable point you desire and how you can start today! Get your 7-point PDF today, an invite to live Q&As; and a free counsel session!