You Dont Really Want A Divorce 3 Ways To Stop It

May 10, 2010 | By Ken In Stop Divorce | Comments(0)

Things aren’t going well, but you don’t want divorce to end your relationship. What can you do? If you don’t want divorce there are three specific things you can do to stop it.

These tips won’t work in every situation—some relationships are too far gone. But most relationships start having troubles long before they reach this point, thankfully.

When you don’t want divorce but your partner does, try being quiet for a while.Just don’t say anything. Stop complaining. The worst thing you can do is to carry on about how you don’t want to get divorced.

You can let your partner know that you don’t want the divorce. And that’s about all you can do. Perhaps you could reassure them that couples go through this kind of thing all the time and are still together today. Just don’t do it more than once.

If you carry on and carry on about how you want to stay together, you’ll probably just annoy your partner, making it less likely for him to be open to the idea of staying together. The whole point is to make yourself extra desirable to your partner again.

It’s unlikely he or she finds you particularly desirable when you’re complaining and whining about inconsequential things. That tendency to complain and even nag may have had something to do with why the relationship broke up in the first place, remember.

You want to show your very best side to your partner at all times. When you started dating this person, you were probably on your own very best behavior. Everyone does that to win a mate’s heart. Then as things start to stagnate a little because the mate is won and there’s no need to compete with others anymore, the tendency to whine and complain begins.

Stop this immediately and go back to your very best “going to win them” courting behavior. That is often such a switch from the way things were in the beginning, that it seems almost too good to be true.

Going hand in hand with taking care not to complain or nag is learning to simply be agreeable. We tend to take our partner for granted and when he or she suggests something we’re not happy with, we make it known. If we do that too often it can start to seem to our partner that they can’t do or say anything right!

If you don’t want divorce then learn to agree with your partner even when you don’t want to. That might sound a little extreme, but you’re in rescue mode right now. You just want to do everything you can to save the marriage. It doesn’t’ mean that you’ll never be able to disagree with them for the rest of your life.

You need to learn to not whine, to agree and to do it all with a smile on your face. If you don’t want divorce you’ll have to do these things for at least a little while.

Other Marriage Counseling Blogs

Filed under: Stop Divorce

Effective Tips On How To Save My Marriage

May 9, 2010 | By Ken In Marriage and Counseling | Comments(0)

If your relationship between the two of you to the point of questioning how long you will be together, you may be asking how to save my marriage. Remember that a marriage is a union of two people, so finding solutions to your marriage problems together is essential. These problems cannot be solved by just one of you.

Here are some tips that can help bring you together and increase the chances of your marriage lasting:

- No marriage is perfect. Unlike fairy tales, typical marriages have their flaws just like each of us do. Do not expect perfection from each other. Accept that there will be lumps and bumps along the way.

- Marriage requires work. For your relationship to work, both of you need to realize that it takes work to make a marriage strong. The more work that you put into your marriage can result in an honest and happy relationship. If you do not take this seriously, it can be detrimental. The areas that typically need the most work involve trust and respect in one another . Without these things, your relationship will fall apart.

- Communicate and listen effectively. Create an environment where you can talk to each other without getting upset. Speak calmly and clearly about how you feel and allow your partner to do the same. Make sure to listen to what they have to say, regardless of what they say. Discuss how each of you feel and find common ground where both of you feel that you can find solutions for issues you are facing. The more open and honest you are with each other, the better.

- Do not dwell on past problems. Do not let past mistakes or misunderstandings determine the future of your marriage. While your past problems may be quite serious, dwelling on them will not help your marriage. Focus on the here and now and take each day as it comes.

- Be more giving to one another. Be considerate of each others needs and feelings. You can do caring gestures to simply show that you are thinking of them. If you are unsure as to what you should do for your spouse, ask them what you can do to make them happy. Doing something that will make them feel loved and special can go a long way towards strengthening your relationship. Sometimes doing the simplest things can mean the most to them.

If you have tried all of the above and still are asking how to save my marriage, a professional marriage counselor may be your best option. The decision to go to a counselor must be made by both of you as it will not work if you both do not participate fully.

If you are both truly committed to making changes to save your marriage, a counselor can offer unbiased advice to help you. By getting advice from counselor, it may help you see your problems in a different light and help you find solutions.

Other Marriage Counseling Blogs

Filed under: Marriage and Counseling

Save Your Marriage – You Don’t Really Want Divorce Do You?

January 23, 2010 | By Ken In Save Marriage | Comments(0)

How to save your marriage: it’s the topic of dozens if not hundreds of self-help books, yet divorce seems to be as “popular” as ever? It’s not necessarily because the advice in those books is bunk, either. Usually it’s because, no matter how much good advice you get, there are some things about your approach to your marriage that need to change before you can even take
advantage of those tips.

Rule out divorce!

If you’ve been talking about divorce, but neither of you really want it, banish all talk of it from your conversations. It’s not an option, so why are you even mentioning it? Some people tend to use the d-word as a threat, even though they never plan to carry through. The problem with that is the more often you bring up the subject, the more likely it is to
become a reality.

Remember respect!

Can you remember your first few dates, when you hardly knew each other and were nervous just to be around each other? You said “please” and “thank you” and if any disagreements came up you patiently and politely resolved them? You don’t have to fall in love all over again (at least, not right this minute), but if you want to find out how to save your marriage, at least try to get back to that level of respect with each other.

Accept that your spouse is imperfect!

When you’re newlyweds, it’s easy to ignore those annoying little habits your partner might have like leaving clothes on the floor or forgetting to fill the gas tank. After a few years living together, though, the irritation builds up and you start to wish your spouse would just stop it already. The next time your spouse does something that irritates you, consider whether it’s really all that serious. If not, let it go.

Stop criticizing!

Even if you’ve managed to accomplish the goal above, this one’s easier said than done. Once you’ve fallen into the habit, it takes some effort to stop, but try to avoid verbally attacking your spouse for doing something you don’t like. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let them know when something they do bothers you, but doing so in a non-judgmental way can make life a
lot easier.

Learn about the opposite gender!

No, sitting in the park and watching them walk by doesn’t count. I mean taking an open-minded approach to understanding the way the opposite gender typically approaches intimate relationships. You may think because you’ve been around them all your life you know them. But you might be surprised how what you learn can help you discover how to save your marriage. And if do you learn something that surprises you, don’t take some book’s word for it. Ask your spouse if that’s how they feel, too, and you just may hit a major revelation.

Figuring out how to save a marriage doesn’t have to be complicated, but you can’t rely on the free information you find on the Internet. Even self-help books written by professional marriage counselors leave out some of the fundamentals, so as you try to mend your marriage, make sure you start with a good foundation.

Filed under: Save Marriage

Should You Break Up or Make Up

December 16, 2009 | By Ken In Marriage and Counseling | Comments(0)

How do you know when it’s really all over? Is it when one of you calls it quits? Or, is there still hope even when someone has walked out? This article will look at marriage and counseling relationships – break up or make up.

There are numerous reasons that relationships break up. Some of them are even good reasons. For instance, if you are just leading your partner on, it is right to cut him or her loose. If he or she isn’t trustworthy, that is a good reason for a break up. Of course, sometimes people’s lives change and the partner no longer fits into the total picture, in which case, it is good to end the relationship.

So, when do you make up?

There are two components to saving a relationship. First of all, you have to both love each other. But that alone is not enough to save relationships from breaking up. For instance, partners of different religious faiths may love each other but find that love alone can’t bridge the difference in their outlook for the future.

You also have to be able to see a future together. If you can’t see the person in your life in six months, you might as well separate now, even if you have a real bond of affection. And, if this is a serious relationship and you can’t see yourself marrying your partner, you will be doing both of you a favor by calling it quits.

If you are going to make up, you need to reflect on the relationship’s break up. Why did things go sour? When you have identified the root causes of the split, you can begin to fix things.

It may take time to fix things. While your ex may not be willing to jump back into bed with you, they might be willing to be friends and to work on the relationship. In fact, after a relationship’s break up, you may not want to start right back where you left off. Instead, take some time to rebuild the romance in your lives.

Here is some marriage and counseling advice for people who are wondering whether to break up or make up.

First of all, listen more than you talk. Don’t always try to explain your position. Try to understand your ex’s. Also, listen without planning a rebuttal.

Next, remember to do the things your ex likes. If she likes it when you buy her flowers, get a dozen roses. If he likes it when you go to his football scrimmages, go. This shows that you pay attention to their wants and needs.

Show your ex that they are on your mind even when you are not around. You can do this by calling or texting them.

Call each other by loving or pet names. This brings exclusiveness to the relationship.

Try to have fun again. Too many times, relationships become too serious. “Communication” becomes paramount. But, dating is supposed to be fun. Try putting the serious issues aside from time to time and focus on enjoying each other’s company.

When it comes to relationships, break up is hard because you have invested so much in the other person. Because of this, making up is sometimes the better answer.

Filed under: Marriage and Counseling

Look For The Signs – Is Your Marriage In Crisis

December 8, 2009 | By Ken In Marriage and Counseling | Comments(0)

Is your marriage in crisis? Would you know it if it was? Do you recognize the warning signs? A marriage in crisis can sometimes disguise itself as a normal but slightly boring marriage until it’s too late to change it and save it.

You have to pay attention to all the signs of health in your marriage to make sure your partnership is going strong. First, look at how often you have sex. While sex isn’t the whole point of the marriage—it’s much more important than just that—it’s a crucial part of a healthy marriage.

A marriage in crisis is usually pretty easy to spot by looking at your sex lives. Do you have sex infrequently? Is it a big, scheduled deal when you do have sex? Have you stopped having sex spontaneously just when you feel like it?

When sex becomes a scheduled activity, a marriage can certainly recover. In fact, most marriages go through a phase very much like that when a baby is born. Each child makes it more and more difficult to find the time to spend with our partner over a meal or before leaving for work, let alone finding a spare hour to make love.

But a marriage in crisis never breaks out of that pattern. Instead, even when the time is there the partners don’t have spontaneous sex. Usually there’s very little physical affection shown during the day either. People in love and happy to be together tend to hug and kiss different times through the day.

A loving couple will often touch each other just in passing. One will give the other a fast kiss on the cheek or forehead for no reason. Does this still happen in your marriage? Do you ever sneak a quick pinch or pat on the bottom or a sexy look in the middle of the day?

When these things start to disappear, it can be a sign that the marriage is in trouble. The other thing that goes in a very obvious way is common courtesy. When you say “thank you,” “excuse me,” and “please,” throughout your day to strangers more than you say them to your partner, something’s wrong.

We take our partners for granted in this way, and eventually this leads to a sort of coldness between people. There is simply no reason not to be affectionate and thank our partners (and say please) during the course of everyday life.

The good news is that if you’re seeing these warning signs, you can start working right now to correct them. And you don’t have to make a fanfare about it or announce the change. Simply change what you do.

Make a point of giving affection and unexpected kisses. Be very polite again, and say please and thank you, even when it’s just the two of you. Make time for making love. Do these things and your marriage in crisis could soon be back on track and you could be happier than ever.

Filed under: Marriage and Counseling