Break-ups are the worst.

You feel all out of sorts because life as you’ve known it prior to the break-up gets turned all upside down, and chances are you’re not quite sure which way is up right now.

While I do understand how painful breaking up can be, there are a few things you can do to help transition back into at least a semblance of “normal” life.

The key is to put your focus on something else.

It may take a little time, but doing this will take some of the edge off the pain you’re feeling and let you move on through life without having to deal with a lot of the blocks and re-starts some folks can’t seem to get past.

Instead, they get stuck in “life without him/her mode” and have a hard time moving forward.

Don’t let this happen to you.

Break-up’s are painful, yes. But the truth is, the world hasn’t ended, even if it does tend to feel like yours is falling apart at the moment. Life will and does go on – with or without you.

You, however, are a survivor. You won’t stay trapped in the past, because you’ll be moving forward.

For the first few weeks, it may be best if you don’t go to the places you and s/he often frequented together, and don’t try to hang out with what should be mutual friends.

You can pick up these extended relationships later, but for now, concentrate on things you know make you feel good that do not have a connection to him/her.

If you have trouble coming up with something to focus on, take some time to think about the kinds of things you enjoyed before you began your relationship.

Did you have a hobby you’ve kind of let go? Was there something you were passionate about before you and s/he met? Really give it some thought, and then start to do those things.

The more involved you become in doing things that make you feel good, the better you will feel. In time (faster than you think) you’ll be able to call on those friends you and s/he both enjoyed spending time with, and even face-to-face meetings with your ex will be easier to handle.

Just remember to put your focus on doing things that make you feel good, and you’ll beat those break-up blues in no time!

The first thing you need to do if you’ve lost the love of your life is communicate – with yourself. You need to get clear in your own head on what is really going on by ignoring all the noise. Forget the arguments, forget the fights and just get to the heart of the matter.

You’ll have to be brutally honest with yourself here because what you’re searching for is the truth. You want to dig past the clutter and the excuses and pinpoint the true reason or reasons your relationship began to go south.

Don’t gloss over the little things, because often it is simply a combination of so many little things piled one on top of the other with no one ever going back to apologize and make things right that add up to one seemingly unmovable Big Thing.

Many times these small mountains of little things, too long ignored, make a relationship start to sour. If they keep adding up, things go bad a lot faster. So really think about the life of your relationship, and be honest with yourself about what really happened. What were the core events or words that put a hitch in the smooth turn of the wheel?

Once you’ve pinpointed all the things you feel are the likely culprits for pushing your relationship to take a turn for the worst, your next step is to communicate with your ex. Let him or her know that you want to sort out all the problems, get them out in the open and talk about them so you can figure out, together, what went wrong in your relationship because you never want to repeat these mistakes again.

Here’s a valuable hint to remember during these communications: Discuss does not mean argue. If you can’t act like a mature, responsible adult for the duration of a simple, single conversation to help make your relationship better now, how can you possibly expect to have a meaningful, long-term relationship?

So the next step is to find out what he or she thinks started the damage to your relationship. The point is for each of you to know what the other feels caused the relationship to go bad so you both will know exactly what needs working on – by both parties – to fix the relationship.

Next, ask if your partner feels your relationship has a chance, if they are interested (like you) in trying to change things for the better, working together to build a better life together, and then decide if you’re both willing and able to do what you now know it will take to make the necessary changes and put the relationship back on track.

Communication is one of the cornerstones of all meaningful relationships. If you haven’t been communicating with your partner, that could be one part of the problem. Make sure he or she knows you now understand this and that from here on out, you will definitely want to discuss your problems with each other, as well as possible solutions.

Why? Because by doing this, by communicating openly and honestly with each other about your hopes, fears, expectations and whatnot, both of you will be better equipped to make your relationship much better than it has ever been, to make your relationship the kind that lasts forever.

No one goes into their marriage wanting to fail. Many couples dont want divorce because they believe that it equals failure. New facts and figures now state that if divorce is not considered when problems arise in a marriage that couples can resolve their issues and have a stronger marriage.

If you are having problems and are considering divorce, make sure to try to find alternatives that promote fixing the problems via open and truthful communication or marriage counseling. This is preferable over the pain and effort involved in divorcing your spouse.

When others hear that you are having marriage trouble, many couples get unsolicited advice from friends and coworkers that they really dont want. Divorce to others can be seen as a quick fix when in truth it can simply add to your problems rather than fixing them. While you appreciate the support and advice offered by your friends, keep in mind that this is your marriage, not theirs.

By looking at statistics, 80 percent of surveyed couples who at one time considered divorce and subsequently decided not to go through with it claimed to be happily married years later. This can be explained by two possible outcomes. The first is that the couples who previously were considering divorce decided to deal with their problems directly. In doing so, it not only acknowledged their problems but it may have resulted in their finding effective solutions that saved their marriage.

The second is that when divorce was considered that it can change the entire dynamic of a relationship. For some couples this could be a positive thing or it could be detrimental to others. If a problem develops, those considering a divorce could see this as a way out without ever dealing with the issue directly. If these problems grow or the issues faced become more divisive, the option of divorce can be seen as an easy out and therefore become very appealing.

However, those who did not consider a divorce may find some success. They are forced to deal with their problems, and possibly find a constructive solution and common ground. Although this can be hard work and is not as easy as a divorce appears to be in fixing problems, working together and facing issues can be much more rewarding.

Marriage is a team of two players. When both players are actively working towards solutions to their problems and remove divorce as an option, resolutions can be found for their differences. This will strengthen their marriage as you will be working towards something better rather than looking for a way to cut your losses and run.

If you remove divorce as an option and resolve to work through your differences, you can make your marriage work.  It will give you the motivation to work to improve your relationship through understanding and communication. By listening to each other and finding ways to compromise that benefit the both of you; you can build a marriage that will last for years to come.

Every marriage goes through ups and downs.  A number of marriages also go through times of severe turmoil, such as deaths in the family, chronic illnesses, unfaithfulness, or national disasters.  Some marriages hold strong during any ups and downs; others begin to crumble.  For any marriage in crisis, however, marital counseling can help.

Each couple’s marriage is, of course, unique.  Therefore, the way in which that couple deals with problems and issues will be unique.  However, there are several signs which are common to all marriages–signs which point toward trouble brewing in the relationship.  The earlier a couple begins to recognize the signs, the earlier the couple can begin marriage counseling.  And, the sooner the couple starts counseling, the better the couple’s chances of saving their marriage.

Here are the common warning signs of a marriage that is likely headed toward crisis:

• The couple bickers, nags, and nitpicks a great deal.

• The couple doesn’t fight fairly.

• The couple tends to spend a good deal of time apart, doing activities separately because that is more fun than spending time together.

• The couple doesn’t talk about problems together.  One member of the couple may be unaware of household issues or problems with the children that the other couple member handles, for instance.

• The couple no longer agrees on long-term goals and values, either for themselves or for the family as a whole.

• The couple has a low level of intimacy–or none.

• The couple doesn’t talk much.  The two members of the couple may be unaware of significant events or happenings at each other’s workplaces, for example.

Marriage counseling can help couples who are having any of the above issues.  Counseling can also assist couples who are in crisis for other reasons.  There is no reason for a couple to stay in an unhappy marriage; yet people who head straight for separation or divorce without trying to first make the marriage work through the use of marital counseling may be throwing in the towel without giving their marriage a fair chance.

Professional marriage counselors have experience in working with couples who have gone through all types of difficulties.  Counselors can assist couples in dealing with infidelity, spending issues, problems with family and children, differences in faith, and much more.

Couples who attend marriage counseling learn the following:

• How to resolve conflict through effective listening
• How to state needs clearly and openly without anger or resentment
• How to get what is needed in the relationship without making demands
• How to work through unresolved issues in the marriage
• How to understand the needs of both members of the couple–and how to meet those needs

Marriage counseling works best if couples go as soon as they begin having problems in their marriage.  A marriage in crisis can be helped with marital counseling; however, if a couple waits too long to seek counseling, their chances of saving their marriage may not be as great.

Statistically speaking, nearly sixty percent of marriages fail. Many couples are looking into ways to avoid becoming that statistic. Although some marriages cannot be fixed, many can.  It takes dedication and determination on the part of both the husband and the wife to help save their marriage, regardless of what the underlying problems are or who is at fault.

The following are some effective tips to help save marriage.  However, for these to work, both the husband and wife must be committed to following these guidelines and work together to solve their differences.

1. Communicate. This is absolutely essential for making a marriage work and last.  You both must clearly state how you feel, your opinions, your wants and needs to each other.  By discovering what each of you feel is wrong in your marriage, you can work towards a solution.

2. Keep calm. When you are having problems in your marriage it is easy to get upset. Try to approach your problems with a level head and voice. Being hurtful or disrespectful to your spouse will not help the situation.

3. Compromise. It takes two in a marriage, so both of your views must be respected. If you give a little, you may get a lot and be happier.

4. Set goals. Goals give you direction. Make sure to set goals in your marriage that reflect both of your views and determine what you both need to do to get there.

5. Be patient. It takes time to work on problems in a marriage. Make sure that you are patient with your spouse as well as with yourself as you work towards fixing problems. Rushing to fix things can have an adverse effect.

6. Forgive and forget. Depending on your situation, this can be difficult, especially if your partner was unfaithful. If you want to save your marriage in spite of their infidelity, you will have to try and forgive them so that you can work together to preserve your marriage. Forgetting about what they have done may not be easy either. If you want to move on, it is essential that you are not dwelling on the past. Focus on the here and now and what you can both can do today to make your marriage better.

7. Get counseling. If you cannot work out your differences, counseling can help.  A good counselor can help you with guidance, support, encouragement and give you unbiased views that can give you insight on how to correct the problems in your marriage. They can help you find the right solutions and methods based on what is best for you as a couple for the problems that are being faced.

It is very important that you both agree to counseling and intend to take an active role in your sessions for counseling to be an effective tool for help in your marriage. When choosing a counselor, make sure that they are licensed professionals and that you feel comfortable working with them.